Saturday, October 31, 2015
Mr. Grinch, You Stole the Wrong Holiday
Dear Mr. Grinch,
I'm really not sure why you tried to steal Christmas. Maybe you had some bad childhood experiences during the Holidays. I heard you changed your ways and you're one of the good guys now. I was thinking that with your green complexion, maybe you could be a new mascot for Halloween. Why not steal all the candy and leave behind some green veggies for all the parents to pass out instead? I know you may end up with egg on your front door if you implement this idea, but you could play an important role as a new food advocate. And while you're stealing things, I have a couple of jobs you could take away from some people over at the USDA who are on the take. In fact, they've all been playing the ultimate trick on our children for decades with their false food charts and their fancy claims about what foods are healthy.
I realize the idea of stealing Halloween sounds crazy but I believe you may be the only person around who understands my sinister plot to take away candy from the babies. I'm just so sick and tired of watching all the parents stuffing our kids with twinkies, candy and cokes while not a soul tries to intervene. Mr. Grinch, I implore you to come out of retirement and please steal Halloween. You have my vote. Have a great day.