Tuesday, December 18, 2012

Michael and the Bean Stalk

here's my story,
I hope it's not dumb...

My parents baptized me in the name of the Holy Spirit when I was a baby.  In the 7th grade, I asked the Holy Spirit to water that seed during a special religious ceremony.  My Uncle Tom stood behind me with his hand on my shoulder.  The Holy Spirit was like a cow that gave me milk every day.  One day in high school, I discovered there was no milk so I threw my seed out the window and went on some sort of spiritual quest.

After years of searching, I returned to the place where I discarded my spiritual seed.  In front of me was a huge bean stalk.  I started climbing.  On top of the bean stalk, there was a gorgeous woman with blue eyes that froze me like a statue.  She offered me some milk to drink.  From that moment, I was no longer thirsty.  I asked her to marry me and she said yes.  The ground started shaking.  It was a giant and he was hungry.  I hoisted my bride over my shoulder and scurried down the bean stalk.  I wanted to chop the bean stalk down but there wasn't enough time so I grabbed my belongings and drove non-stop for three days.  When I finally stopped, I thought I reached Heaven.  A voice bellowed from the corn stalks, "no, you're not in Heaven, you're in Iowa."

My wife told me she was fond of the corn stalks in Iowa and asked me if we could live here forever and ever.  I said yes.  Every day I write about my adventures.  I warn readers not to cry over spilled milk; it waters the seeds even when they are thrown out the window.  Those seeds become bean stalks that lead you to new heights.  Beware of the giant who wants to devour you and resolve to keep climbing until you reach the top.  The view is Heavenly.

No comments: