Everyone in my Southern California neighborhood knew it. There it was, this spectacle on top of a mountain in a sleepy neighborhood filled with lush landscaping, all except for the eyesore in my backyard, a mixture of weeds and half-dead ice plants. The gopher from the movie, Caddieshack, took up residence on my 1/2 acre property and invited friends and family from his species to squat illegally the entire time I lived in San Diego Country Estates. Word got out that we are animal lovers. It was twenty-two years of guerrilla warfare between me and my furry militants who drove me away with my tail between my legs and a white flag of surrender flying on top of the antenna on my U Haul. Even our son's pet, Roxy, cowered in shame as we drove off in search of greener pastures.
What does one do when he fails at gardening? Well, if you're me, you listen to your wife and move to where the grass is greener and no sprinkler systems are necessary. I couldn't believe it when I arrived in Iowa eleven years ago. No sprinklers? No gophers? Maybe this is Heaven. As great as it is here, I still need to confess something. The weeds are thriving in my back yard. The good news is the line of trees along the rear of my property do a great job of obstructing the view of the weed infestation. The bad news? My next door neighbors on both sides of our home can't escape my failed attempts to mimic the 18th hole at Pebble Beach sans the ocean. They are forgiving but I need a solution for my gardening struggles.
When God created Adam he gave him the Garden of Eden and put him to work. Eve came along and became his life-time partner. God told Adam to guard the garden and protect his wife. If you are a believer, you know what happened. Adam let the snake in. He stood by and did nothing while Eve was unprotected. All Adam had to do was stay on guard and keep the weeds and the vipers out. I know exactly how Adam feels based on my experience in Southern California. As long as I'm confessing, I may as well admit that I couldn't keep the snakes away while living in Ramona. My wife and kids can confirm this.
What's the moral of the story? If you're a man, do what God asks and tend to your garden. Keep the snakes away. Ask your neighbors to forgive you when you slack off. When tornadic winds lift your shed off the ground and carry away your lawn mower, get off your butt, fix the mower, cut the grass, and, for God's sakes, work on that garden every day until you die. Capiche? Have a great day.
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