The Talking Ants

 The lines between fiction and reality are sometimes blurred.  This story happens to be one of them.  I know ants can't really talk.  What I know about ants is they somehow show up uninvited every time I roll out a blanket for a picnic.  What if we could trap the ants and lock them up in a glass jar so they would stop bothering us?  The stage is now set for my talking ant story...

Two ants, a male and a female lived in a plush garden.  They could do anything they wanted except for one thing; they were told to never ever walk on the blanket.  The female ant longed to know what could be on the blanket but she kept her thoughts to herself.  One day a visitor squirmed its way into the garden where the two ants lived and told the ant lady of the garden about all the delicious foods stashed away in a picnic basket on top of the blanket that the ants really should try.  The foods in the basket were unreal, especially this white substance the ants never knew before.  Sure enough, the female ant listened to the squirmy snake in the garden and slithered onto the blanket undetected.  The female ant zig-zagged its way to the picnic basket and found an opening.  No wonder this was off limits.  The food was heavenly.  The male ant saw what was going on but was afraid to join the female ant on the blanket.  The female called out,  "I don't know what I'm eating but it's so good I just can't stop.  Please, join me.  It's a feast."

The next morning the ants woke up from their drunken slumber, eager to get back to the picnic for some more of the white substance but something was wrong.  They found themselves trapped in a glass jar.  The garden vanished into thin air.  Fortunately, there was some sand in the jar but that was about it.  Days turned into months.  Months turned into years.  The ants multiplied.  They occupied their time by telling stories.  All the other ants wanted to know more about the secret garden.  Some ants questioned if the picnic blanket ever existed.

Thousands of years passed.  Some of the ants decided to live deep inside the sand while others preferred living on the surface where there was abundant sunshine.  Gradually, the ants became more colorful.  Some were red, some black, and some white.  One day there was a giant earthquake.  All the ants were highly agitated.  They looked for someone to blame.  The black ants blamed the red ants.  They fought each other to the death not knowing that the snake who ensnared them was shaking the glass jar just to make their lives miserable.

One day, out of nowhere, a blue ant showed up.  He was the best story teller of all.  He explained to the other ants that they didn't belong living in a glass jar.  He knew all about the secret garden and the picnic blanket.  All the other ants wanted to know how to get to the garden and they listened intently.  The blue ant was really popular at first, especially when it healed the ants who were sick.  Some ants were blind at birth.  They were healed by the blue ant.  Others couldn't speak.  Well, the blue ant healed them and soon there were telling stories about how great the blue ant is.  They spilled the beans about who the blue ant really is and why he snuck into the glass jar.  Unfortunately, the escape plan was met with resistance, especially when the the blue ant talked about dying first in order to escape the glass jar.  All the other ants got together and killed the blue ant.  The greatest earthquake of all times happened at the exact moment the blue ant was killed.  

Some say the blue ant returned three days later.  Only a small number of ants saw the blue ant but word spread quickly.  The message from the blue ant was simple – stop killing each other every time there's an earthquake.  The real problem isn't the black ants, the red ants, or the white ants.  The problem is the numskull who is shaking the glass jar.  The numskull had it all until he wanted more.  He got what he wanted, a glass jar filled with talking ants that don't even belong to him.  These talking ants belong to the blue ant who was sent to rescue all the whole colony.  

Sorry.  I can't share the rest of the talking ant story because that's in the future and no one knows when the ants will be free at last to return to the picnic in paradise.  If you want a hint, all I can say is the numskull shaking the glass jar is getting really upset because he knows the blue ant is coming back.  He's going to shake the hell out of his glass jar and intimidate the colony.  There will be more earthquakes.  There will be famine.  The glass jar will be flipped upside down.  The red ants will continue to fight the black ants and the white ants will kill the red ants.  History will keep repeating itself.  Many will say, "There's no such thing as a blue ant."  Others will say, "Ants can't talk."  Perhaps ants and people have more in common than we think.  You decide.  Have a great day.