Saturday, April 11, 2015
My Dear John Letter to My Credit Card Company
July 1, 2015
We've been together a long time. I will never forget how you mesmerized me with your seductive offers. I fell in love with you at first sight and took you everywhere – vacations, travel, fancy restaurants, etc. You begged me to never leave home without you. Well, it's time to say good-bye. Forever. You're too high maintenance for me. If I don't break up with you now, my retirement will be in jeopardy.
By the way, I see you've been in multiple relationships with others. How dare you. I'm so furious that I'm publishing a book about you, your bullies you hired to harass me at all hours of the day and night, and your attorneys you sicked on me when I was at the end of my rope and couldn't meet your usurious demands you cleverly hid in the fine print. Well, surprise. I'm doing just fine without you. I'm warning my friends all about you in my tell all book. Yep. Everyone is going to know how you used me and abused me. I'm so over you.
Don't try to stop me from publishing our break-up story, "Break the Chains of Debt Bondage." It's coming out on the 4th of July. You can read every lurid detail on Amazon.com. I've invested hundreds of hours of personal time learning how to defend myself in court without the aid of attorneys just in case you try to stop me. Enclosed is your final payment. We're done. Don't call me. And if you do, I'll see you in court. Go ahead. Make my day.