Most people are unaware of the problem. The source of the outbreak, a snake that slithered into the garden eons ago, forced an immediate evacuation of all inhabitants to less favorable climates. The virus is capable of surviving inside the body for years before symptoms appear. Rapid mutations make it difficult to identify and it is often misdiagnosed. Early warning signs of the disease are irritability, withdrawal, fatigue, loss of sense of purpose, anxiety, depression, and lethargy. Over-the-counter treatments only provide temporary relief. According to God's recall notice, there is only one remedy. The recall notice is re-posted here for your convenience:
Recall Notice -- For Immediate Release
You are being recalled. The entire human race is at risk due to a contagion spreading throughout the world. The virus was traced to a garden snake, forcing a permanent relocation of all residents. I attempted to destroy the virus when it resurfaced generations later. There were only a few survivors due to the massive flood I ordered. Further quarantine efforts were established to protect a select group of people. They failed to follow the original recall notice I sent over 2,000 years ago. In order to save lives, I expanded the recall notice to the general population. Please follow these recall guidelines:
- Read the Bible to learn more about the history of the virus. Everything you need to know about its dangers is documented for your benefit. Old Testament stories foretell of my plans to send a solution.
- Pay careful attention to the New Testament. Even though very few people listened to my Son, He did inoculate His followers with an Antivirus just before I recalled Him to Heaven. Your entire future is dependent on your choice to heed this recall notice and follow my Son's prescription for the Antivirus.
- Warning: There are known side-effects to the Antivirus. Those who reject the Anti-virus shots will turn against you. The world will hate you. You may lose your own life. You will always be in danger of a re-infection. Booster shots may be necessary.