Here's some Holy Family outtakes I came up with as we get ready to celebrate the most important birthday of the year...
1. Joseph and Jesus are doing some carpentry work together and Joseph asks Jesus, "Maybe we should get your followers together when you are older and build one of those pyramids to bury you after your death?"
Jesus replies, "Thanks dad, however, it seems like a big waste of resources when I'm only going to stay there for three days."
2. Mary asks Jesus, "would you like me to sign you up for some swim lessons?"
"No thanks, Mother, I already know how to walk on water."
3. Mary at the dinner table..."Eat your fish and bread, Jesus, there's starving people back home."
"No problem, Mother, I'll feed them...all of them."
4. Mary to Jesus after one of His wise cracks..."you think you know everything, don't you?"
Jesus replies, "yes."
5. Joseph to Jesus..."Choose your friends carefully. People will judge you by the type of people you hang around. The wrong people can get you in a lot of trouble. If you're not cautious, others will crucify you. And even if they do, don't ever forget to forgive them...most of them have no idea what they're doing."
6. Joseph gives Jesus career planning advice..."Son, I know you want to follow in my footsteps with this carpentry stuff, however, you may want to consider fishing...it's a solid career path because everybody needs to eat. If the economy takes a downturn, people will put off buying furniture but they have to eat. I think you could do very well as a fisherman."
7. Jesus asks His father..."Should I open a savings account for my allowance?"
"That's pointless Son. The politicians believe all your money belongs to them. Back home, Ceasar has his face plastered on all the money. He'd find a way to tax your own dung if He could get away with it. It's not worth it to hold onto money. Better to give it away and it will ease your tax burden."
8. Mary to Jesus..."Son, you're birthday is coming up, what would you like?"
Jesus..."Peace on earth."
9. Joseph instructs Jesus on the cleansing diet..."Son, when life gets stressful, it's always good to go out into the desert and to a little detoxing. Avoid eating while you are alone praying. Your demons will try to get the best of you when you are fasting. Just remember where you came from. Start small... like one day without eating and see how long you can go in the desert."
10. Jesus asks Mary to tell Him about His first birthday...."Oh Jesus, your birthday was the beginning of a new life for me and Joseph. Your dad is such a dreamer. Even your name came to him in one of his visions. There we were... in a manger. It was so cold and everything was all booked up for the census. Your dad found us this little stable filled with cute little animals.
The moment you were born, Angels recited, 'Glory to God in the Highest and peace to His people on earth.' It gave me chills to hear the Heavens proclaiming your name. On that day, I renewed my promise to your Heavenly Father to dedicate my life to raising you in a good home and to help you find your destiny. Happy birthday, Jesus. You make us proud to be your parents. Now, blow out your candles and wish for something big...really big. Make your Father proud."