Sunday, July 31, 2011

Positive Intervention

Do you remember the last time someone you care about got in your face over a misunderstanding?  How did the situation end?  Were you able to resolve the challenge or did the relationship break down?

If you find yourself consistently running into trouble when it comes to relationships, maybe it's time to handle conflict with a new attitude.  Here's a couple of ideas to help you set up a positive intervention with your troubled family members, co-workers, bosses, employees, or other contacts you deal with on a regular basis.

The first step is to understand the way you deal with people is the result of past programming.  Just like a dog who salivates every time it hears a bell ring, there are certain things you do because of your past "training."  You can learn to stop the triggers causing you to behave negatively if you can recognize them.

Think of the last time you were in an argument.  Rewind the entire conversation in your mind and focus on what was happening just before the fight started.  Chances are the other person hurt you a long time ago or you hurt them.  These hurts resurface years later.

If you are saying or hearing things like, "you never do (blank)," or "you always (blank)," chances are you are in a rut and you will keep fighting until you change your approach.  Instead of attacking the other person, try something like this...

"Honey, I love you with all my heart and I want to share something important.  It hurts me when (blank) happens.  Is there anything we can do together so that I no longer feel so bad inside?"

Instead of attacking the other person, you are sharing how you feel inside.  Maybe the other person has been fighting with you so long, they forgot you have feelings and that you are just as hurt as they are.  When you share your heart, you are opening the door to more meaningful relationships.  Your fights don't have to be like broken records.  Give positive intervention a try and keep practicing until all your broken relationships are healed.

No comments: