Wednesday, December 18, 2013

It's Time to Blow Up the Death Star

The death star is fictional.  I imagine it's a place where junk debt buyers come from.  They swoop in out of nowhere and invade using a barrage of daily robo-calling tactics to harass and frighten others into submission.  Some have been charged with violating the rules of engagement by using something known as robo-signing of affidavits.  This is very illegal.  Santa Claus put them on his naughty list. 

Thirty-five days ago, one of these jdb's (junk debt buyers) from the Evil Empire  showed up on my radar screen.  I decided to go on a reconnaissance mission inside the death star to look for signs of weakness.  On the outside, the death star appears invincible.  Inside it's a different story, more like a house of cards.  I believe I can blow it up.  I can't share too much here yet because the enemy may be eavesdropping.  Remember, I'm a writer – not a lawyer.  Nothing here should be considered legal advice.  If you are under attack from a jdb, please consult a lawyer.  I'm sharing my story with you for entertainment purposes only.  Now that the legal disclaimers are out of the way, here's my idea to legally blow up the death star:
  1. Learn how to strike back at the Evil Empire.  This means learning how to file a motion for production of documents in the courts.  By law, the jdb's must respond.
  2. Learn how to file a motion to compel.  This is what is needed when the enemy gives you the brush off.
  3. Give notice to the enemy that a motion to compel will be filed with the courts if they continue to hide inside their death star.
  4. Learn every defense move available and strike back with a series of objections every time the enemy attacks.
  5. Follow Captain's Kirk's example he used in the Kobayashi Maru,  a simulation given to cadets to test their reaction to a no-win scenario.  Fighting jdb's without an experienced attorney to get you through the neutral zone may appear like a no-win scenario.  I disagree.  The trick is to stay on the bridge and fire your photon torpedoes.  I have a little "Kobayashi Maru" of my own up my sleeve.  Once I blow up the Death Star I will share the details.
Whatever "death star" you may be facing in your life right now, I want you to remember one thing – it can be defeated if you take a moment and look behind you.  Yes, the giant at your back is bigger than anything in front of you attacking you.  If you don't recognize the giant behind you, here's a hint:  His birthday is seven days away.  He is the reason for the season.  Have a great day.

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