It's like a horror movie. You hear the knock but you don't want to answer because you suspect it's something you don't want to face. Fear is persistent. It's going to keep knocking at all times and in all circumstances.
Our daughter called me at the beginning of the pandemic. I could hear the fear in her voice as she explained her situation. The people higher on the seniority list already slammed the door on fear because they were afraid what would happen. The assignment was glaring into our daughter's soul and it scared the hell out of her. She was afraid of the consequences of saying yes. I was more concerned about what would happen if she said no. Fear has knocked on my door so many times that I might as well just give him a key and offer him one of my spare bedrooms. "If you don't go to Shanghai to bring home the stranded Americans, fear will win and you might as well crawl into your bedroom and hide until the pandemic is over," I told her. She agreed. She found herself and her friends walking the empty streets of Shanghai while the other millions of residents took shelter in their homes.
The pandemic will go down as one of the most fearful times in modern history. I'm still kicking myself for not doing more to help those suffering, especially those who took their own lives rather than answer the doorbell when fear stood outside. My only reprieve is showing up at the last minute when a childhood friend summoned everyone he knew for a going away party. He fell that day and the hospice people told him he would have to stay home and miss his own shindig. I looked around at all the people wearing their aloha shirts and thought about my buddy. He died a few days later. What he left behind was a huge dose of much needed aloha for his loved ones. Well done, Robbie. Well done. You face your fear like a major league closer in game 7 of the World Series and you answered the call.
Wilson has been in New York City with my friend, Erin, since the beginning of the pandemic. My plan was to visit Erin and introduce her to Wilson in person but New York City turned into a war zone and became off limits, especially to people like Erin who are at high risk due to stage IV cancer. Fear knocked on her door and she answered reluctantly. Despite her attempts to fight back she is losing. Many of her friends are missing in action because they don't know what to say or do. How does one respond when their friend tells them, "I'm going to lose every hair on my body and next month is my wedding."?
I meditate every morning for about an hour. The idea is to become familiar with my thoughts. My sixty minute episode today was centered around my friend, Erin. Like me, she writes. She can tell you first-hand what fear is all about. If Wilson could talk, I'm sure he could describe in great detail what it's like hanging out with someone like Erin. Erin will have to say good-bye to Wilson some time. So will I. Wilson doesn't belong to me or Erin. Wilson has an important job ahead of him. Before I say good-bye I must do something I've been fearing. I must write the final chapter in "The Adventures of Castaway Wilson." Fear won't really care about the story or the people he hurt along the way. Fear will move on to another door. I wish I could just punch him and make him go away. It doesn't work that way. Have a great day.
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