Stardate 01.27.2026
Last Saturday, my wife and I attended a church dinner alongside 65 other couples. The evening featured a marriage and family therapist who offered practical, deeply human insights into building stronger relationships.
I took notes—not because I felt behind, but because I wanted to remember what matters.
A few points stayed with me.
What men often need most is respect.
What women often need most is love.
What men tend to fear is failure.
What women tend to fear is abandonment.
The speaker illustrated this using an infinity symbol. One side represents the husband, the other the wife. At the top of each loop is behavior. At the bottom, emotion.
When behavior breaks down, emotions often spiral with it.
He also named what he called the Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse in marriage:
Criticism
Contempt
Stonewalling
Defensiveness
The first two are protests—cries for connection.
The latter two are shutdowns—protective strategies when connection feels unsafe.
To help couples stay off those horses, he offered a simple, practical communication tool—one designed to create emotional safety:
“I feel ___.”
“When you ___.”
“And I would like to ask you to please ___.”
It slows the moment down.
It keeps blame out of the room.
And it invites understanding before reaction.
That idea was reinforced by a timeless principle he closed with: seek first to understand before seeking to be understood.
Scripture gently echoes this wisdom:
“Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry.”
— James 1:19
Captain’s Addendum 🖖
Bones: “You’re telling me marriage has warning signs, Spock?”
Spock: “Doctor, logic suggests recognizing patterns improves long-term outcomes.”
Michael: “Turns out listening might be the most underrated skill we have.”
Mission Reflection
Sitting there with my wife, listening together, reminded me that strong marriages aren’t built through grand gestures. They’re shaped in ordinary moments—through respect freely given, love intentionally shown, and conversations handled with care.
Small changes matter.
Gentle words matter.
Listening matters.
Join me here: https://substack.com/@michaelmulliganlivelong
Mission Log
Status: Learning in real time
Objective: One percent better communication
Outcome: Hopeful and encouraged
I’m grateful for the couples who organized the evening, for the wisdom shared, and for the reminder that growth doesn’t require perfection—only willingness.
May today offer you patience where it’s needed,
Grace where it’s earned,
And understanding where it’s most desired.
🖖 Live long. Prosper in purpose. Walk boldly in divine love.
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