My Emotional Roller Coaster

My Emotional Roller Coaster

I'm going deep today.

Some of you may find this ride a bit scary. If today's story feels too heavy, it's okay to skip it and come back another day. I’ve hesitated to share this because it requires more vulnerability than I’m used to. But I know I'm not the only one wrestling with these emotions—and maybe that’s the point.

Take a moment and think about what scares you most. Picture yourself at a theme park, standing in front of the biggest, wildest ride. Part of you wants the thrill. The other part says, “Hell no.”

That’s exactly how my emotions have been lately.

There’s a part of me trying hard to keep everything in check. Maybe that’s why I’ve always connected with Spock from Star Trek. He constantly battles between logic and emotion—between being the disciplined Vulcan and the human part of himself screaming to be heard. Spock was bullied for being different. His classmates thought emotions made him flawed. But the truth is, those emotions made him special. Spock was chosen to go on roller coaster rides his Vulcan peers couldn’t handle—because his heart gave him access to places logic never could.

Lately, I’ve been wrestling with thoughts of mortality. Not my own—I feel at peace with the choices I make each day to live long and prosper. That part is going well.

What’s harder is watching loved ones face their own mortality.

That’s what’s making my emotions soar off the charts. One of those emotions is called grief. If you’ve ever known someone who has suffered great loss and seemed “off” to you, then you understand what I’m feeling. Grief doesn’t come alone. It often brings a companion—depression. They tend to sit together in the back of the roller coaster, where the ride is the most intense.

I used to think that people who are generally happy and positive—people like me—shouldn’t have to sit next to these two passengers. But I was wrong. Ignoring them doesn’t make them go away.

So, I decided to ask for help.
Professional help.
Because these emotions were not going to disappear on their own.

Sadly, the list of friends and family struggling with mortality issues continues to grow. And I have no control over that. The only thing I can do is listen to my emotions and let them speak.

There is only one person who ever beat death.
He’s not afraid of roller coaster rides.
I’m doing my best to follow His ways.

I’ve asked Him to help me deal with all the twists and turns. Like my superhero Spock, Jesus was mocked for being different. He had friends who betrayed Him. He was bullied. He wept when His friends died. He surrendered His will to His Father. And through it all—He remained with those He loved.

I trust that Jesus is with me, especially when the emotional roller coaster gets scary and it feels like the wheels might fall off.

Thank you for riding with me today.
Have a great day.

“Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding;
in all your ways submit to him, and he will make your paths straight.”
— Proverbs 3:5–6 

Even on the wildest rides, we are not alone. Keep trusting the One who steadies the tracks beneath your feet.